I typed that title, then erased it and typed “All Parents Need To Hear This”, then I erased it again and typed the original. I did that because, although the message is for parents, it is something we could all use in dealing with loved ones. I used to think that not having my children and complete family home for holidays (including Fourth of July in our house) would be the most heartbreaking thing ever. Over the years, as the kids grew and did their best to shake me off their backs and forage lives of their own, I realized my place was to now support, not “do” for them. This meant that if they had another option for their holiday celebrations, my place was not to guilt them into coming home, but to support and encourage them to share their wonderful selves with the new loved ones they have taken into their lives. My first baby is now engaged to be married this summer. This not just considering a mere boyfriend’s family at holiday time. Her fiancé’s parents are now her family just as much as her dad, sister and I are. The call from her before Thanksgiving to tell me she and Steve would be having dinner with his family and would see us later for dessert, was probably a little hard for her to make. I certainly was not going to play the guilt card as I’ve seen so many other parents do to their adult children.
I’m so glad I learned all of this on my own because in today’s Parade in the Sunday newspaper was a wonderful article written by Connie Schultz called “You Won’t Be Home For Christmas?” that certainly would have taught it to me. It was written with a playful air, but the message was serious and clear. I said this was a message for more than just parents because of her statement at the end of the article:
“My new promise to our kids: You’re not responsible for my merry Christmas. No matter when you show up, it’s going to be a holiday in this joint. Every day of the year.”
What wonderful advice for everyone, not just parents. No one, even those we love most, is responsible for our merriment any day of the year. How we spend our days is totally up to us, especially this holiday season. We are free to make choices – even when things don’t go our way – so let’s make happy ones. And when they do show up to spend time with us, let just appreciate and enjoy it.
And so, as another day goes by, even if our loved ones can’t come home for Christmas, we can still make it a merry one. Happy Sunday.
So true and simple….. thanks for sharing this wisdom. Hope to see you tomorrow..
Linda,
I’m late reading this and yet it was perfect timing.
This is our first year without any children coming for Christmas. I’ve already said, come when you can but reading this helped me with the –I want to cry if you don’t come feeling.
Thank you!
Diana