Thirty-nine years ago today my husband and I got married and honeymooned here on the cape. We always knew this magical place would someday be our home. Our dreams have come true and my prince really did give me that castle on a hill that our wedding song spoke about. We have had a wonderful life together, raising our two daughters and enjoying our respective career paths. And now, on this day thirty-nine years later, we wrap up our daughter’s wedding week. Having her get married here on cape, with 88 family and friends traveling here, staying for a week-long vacation – well – that was more, much more than I ever could’ve hoped for.
When the kids look to us for an answer to the big question How did you do it?, we look at each other and smile. One word we tell them. Just one. Respect. In thirty-nine years of disagreements, not once have we ever attacked each other’s person. We never swore at each other. We never called each other names (except in jest – “horses ass” is my current nickname when I try to put one over on him). We learned to walk away and take a breath when we are at impasse. We learned to apologize – something that was always easier for him and I had to work hard at. I remember days where those two words almost choked me, but I knew they were necessary to move forward.
Through respect we learned unconditional love and now, thirty-nine years later, we know that means staying, no matter what the other person has done. Staying may not always be fun or comfortable or easy – but it IS the first step to moving forward in any situation. Through respect we learned the meaning of listening – for listening resolves more conflicts than talking. Through respect we learned the meaning of “being human” and that perfection is not an option or a requirement or a goal. The respectful environment we operated in for all these years created the space for our teenage love to grow into what we share today.
And so, as another anniversary goes by, we can only wish Erin & Steve a life filled with the same respect and love – and – oh yes – don’t forget those grandchildren I was already envisioning on the beach, and…I have written.
Happy anniversary, my love, my husband, and my best friend…
And to Erin & Steve I say this:
It is very important to be an excellent person – to do your very best everyday in all you believe God is asking you to do…to do every job to the best of your ability. You can’t be an excellent person and not walk in love, and you can’t walk in love and not be an excellent person. To abound in love is the most excellent thing you can do. ~ Joyce Meyer
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