Monday morning I was standing in my kitchen with my hands on the counter, looking around while fear and anxiety slowly took hold. Three weeks ago, on a similar Monday morning, the same thing happened. Both Monday mornings were the start of independent projects for me. Getting my book published, and starting a small business to finance getting it published, both threw me into a “work” world I never navigated before. Both projects are, in themselves, small home businesses.
Waking up being your own boss sounds terribly freeing and almost glamorous in the advertising. The idea of working whenever you want, even in your pajamas, no boss, no schedule, no one to tell you what to do, sounds wonderful. For me, it’s not. It’s hard. It’s scary. I have always operated in an environment where the exact opposite of all that was true. Let me tell you, when your working the 9-5 job with schedules and deadlines and overtime, I can see how working at home and being your own boss sounds so attractive. After 35 years in the work world suddenly waking up and having the onus of making something big happen on your shoulders and yours alone, can be crippling. Alone, in a quiet house, it’s up to you to decide the first step and what time you’re going to do it. After you finally get the first step taken, now it’s up to you to create the second step. And guess what? If you sit down in front of the tv because you can, you might never get those steps taken and there’s nobody there to tell you you have to. Soon you’re trying to do bits and pieces of things you think you should do and as the anxiety that you’re not doing anything, grows, you give up and start wandering the house and yard or eventually take a walk.
It took weeks for me to set up my work time everyday. I actually didn’t think I was even doing that, but I saw a pattern to my day emerge on it’s own. That was very reassuring. Once I had my hours down, now I had to figure out a way to make myself accountable for that time. My writer friend was quite firm with me after I shared my book and told me something very valuable that is making starting a home business possible. She told me to decide the hours I was going to spend each day on my journey to publication. Then she said to write down what I accomplished at the end of that time everyday. Just that little tool right there saved me from crippling mind fear and paralysis. I did it. Religiously. I saw the progress written out as the days went on. I eventually began to have the next step planned for the following day.
That was the best piece of advice anyone ever gave me. It allowed me to slow down and let the process do its thing. The timing couldn’t have been better because without that little piece of advice for my writing life, I’d be lost trying to start a home business.
In yoga this morning the teacher read from Melody Beattie’s Journey to the Heart. The message for June 13 was “Trust the Process of Growth”. It asked:
“What are you trying to develop? A project? A change in yourself? Is there something new you’re learning, trying to do? Are you trying to adjust to a major change in your life? Is there an old habit you’re struggling to let go of? A love relationship or friendship your hoping to begin or attempting to end?”
Then it said:
“It takes time for nature to change things into what they’re becoming. It takes time for things to develop. Be patient with yourself and life. Trust the process of growth.”
As I lay on my mat in the final savasana, I began to realize every change in our lives happens in stages. It begins with a seed being planted and while that seed is laying buried in the dark, the path may seem scary. If you don’t give up, despite the fear, a tiny sprout will break through to see the light.
If you, too, are trying something new or are making a major change in your life, relax. Let the process work it’s magic. Even if it’s scary and feels unsure, trust the process. It’ll be ok.
And so, as another day goes by, I’m going to relax and enjoy the ride, and…I have written.
Love this Linda… i have used the same tool to help me with the a challenging project i am working on. I find it so powerful to allow the process to evolve rather than expect an outcome. So important to be gentle with yourself.