Hmmm…maybe not.
Yesterday my daughter accidentally knocked her beer over and it splashed on my “lounging suit” ( a hot orange Gap creation that is now a family joke and fodder for another blog) – anyway I wasn’t happy and I showed it. Then a few hours ago my other daughter accidentally knocked a soda off the table in the family room – it went under the couch and chairs and necessitated furniture being moved to clean it, etc. Again I showed my displeasure. About an hour ago I went to settle in the garage with my husband and over the course of the last few days someone had changed my radio station, which wouldn’t be a problem except the number display is broken and I have to go out and listen to the radio in my car and then come back and try to find the same song on the dial. Again, I displayed my annoyance to my husband.
It’s instances like these that I have spent the last three years changing myself to become complacent over. I would suppress my irritation. I treated it as punishment for the losses I’ve suffered. Then, lately, reverting back to my old self, I noticed a huge change in energy. I was infused with my old energy. I haven’t been tired or wanted a nap in weeks. Little did I know that suppressing my feelings was zapping my energy. It took a huge amount of energy to be calm and complacent in the face of irritation.
We all have our pet peeves. We all have things that annoy and irritate us. To try to shut them down is changing a vital part of who we are. Letting the annoyance be known, but temper the temper, seems to be a much better way to handle it than shutting down completely.
This week I discovered that my irritations and annoyances are a part of my energy source. To shut them down, not react at all, and be complacent, uses up that valuable energy that I so sorely need. Who knew? Even our not so great moments revive us.
And so, as another day goes by, I get closer and closer to who I used to be, I find it’s not a good idea to go against the grain and change that, the people I love have always loved me for who I am, and…I have written.
Maybe you’re being too hard on yourself. Maybe your energy has been spent grieving…. Let it be. Your girls are old enough to clean up after themselves. Peace to you my friend,
D