Christian Grey, in 50 Shades of Grey, is such an enigma, I don’t know where to begin. I should start with the author, EL James, that created this character. I am in awe at the portrayal of Grey through the eyes of Anastasia Steele. In the first book, you become Ana and feel the fight or flight….or love reaction. But the author always keeps little pieces, here and there, sprinkled along the story line, that lets you know Grey is an okay guy….despite. I can’t go into the despite part in case you haven’t read the book, but I will expound some more about Christian Grey.
I was reading “50 Shades of Grey” while I was reading TD Jakes’ book “Let It Go”. I came upon a story he told in there. It was about a child, who for some reason didn’t live with her family. They would come and see her, spend time with her, then she would stand at the gate and watch them drive away. She would wish and wish they’d turn around and come and take her home with them. But they never did. This left her waiting at at the gate her whole life. She grew physically, but emotionally stayed a child.
“She was successful, smart, charming, strong, and compassionate. She lights up a room and people like her. Her life is one that you or I might envy, unless we knew her heart is still at the gate. To this day she finds it difficult to invest in relationships because she feels that if she brings her full self to the other person, she risks being abandoned. So instead she doesn’t make the proper investment to have a strong relationship with anyone. She allows herself to go only so far, metaphorically to the gate, before she detaches and withholds her ability to commit.
I’ve watched her date handsome men who were strong and gentle. They are attracted to her vivacious personality and attractive figure, but once they begin to date her, they find the container is opulent, the box is empty. The contents of human character, love, and human connectivity don’t seem to exist in her.
Because I know her story and the fragility of her heart, I know differently. I see the small child trapped inside the body of a beautiful woman who finds herself perpetually at the gate again, watching the car leave. Her fear of abandonment has become her master and she it’s slave, shackled by her unwillingness to connect with the strength of attachment necessary to build a healthy, trusting relationship. I cannot tell you how many disappointed wounded men have been trampled over in the process of trying to find someone to love them without ever knowing that they are seeing someone who is seeing them forever from the gate.”
Jakes calls this type of person an “insulator”. “The insulator wraps herself up in such a disguise that no one can access her heart and hurt them again. Insulators hide within layers of emotional armor in an attempt to prevent anyone from seeing who they really are. They go to work wrapped in insulation; they get married wrapped in insulation; they interact with people through thick pads of insulation. It is not the individual with whom they find themselves conversing that they are committed to warding away, but it is the fear that what has happened in the past will inevitably happen again that causes them to smother all possibility for human intimacy.
However, if we take time to peel away the layers of foam around the insulators, we find the layers are shielding the person out of fear. They cannot commit to other people because they remain committed to protecting the child within who has grown physically, but remains dwarfed emotionally. No one knows that these persons live their lives as little boys and girls with thumbs in their mouths, tears in their eyes, living, loving, dancing, and doing business from the gate of a traumatic experience that they say nothing about.”
I present to you Christian Grey. What a love story between him and Anastasia, who figures out and fully understands the love of her life is stuck, forever at the gate. Across three books, can she unwrap the insulation? It’s slow. Each step microscopic. One micro step forward, three backward. Can Ana hang in? Get 50 Shades of Grey by EL James and find out.
And so, as another day goes by, I close the cover of yet another amazing trilogy, and….I have written.
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