This past week I wrote a post about Dr.Phil's new book, "Life Code". I was only half way through the book so I only read the parts that involved giving us the "playbook" of the B.A.I.T.E.R.S. (those out there to harm us) Today I reached the second half of the book where he is giving us our own "playbook" for our own "life code" so we won't be blindsided by these people ever again.
At first, after reading the playbook that they use, I thought that would be enough to warn us and teach us how to spot those red flags of people we shouldn't let hang around in our lives. After all, isn't knowing how, when, and where they operate just the perfect way to protect ourselves? Obviously not, because I have a whole other half of the book to read.
I'm only part way through this second half, but right in the beginning Dr. Phil laid out the most ingenuous strategy for protecting oneself out there in the world today. He tells us there's no better way to do this than to spend some serious time turning inward and studying ourselves. He says the better we know ourselves, the less likely of us getting blindsided out there. Hmmm…… I do think he has a point.
I have spent the last two years banging around inside myself and finding both – things I liked about myself and things I didn't like, as well as things I was good at and things I super sucked at. Paying attention to one's weaknesses and strengths raises our awareness when we venture out there and get involved in relationships. For instance, in my case, I always knew I was a strong person, but I never knew I internalized things to keep up that vestige of strength until those things jumped up out of the darkness and turned me into an emotional basket case. Only when, as Taylor Swift says, "I found myself lying on the cold, hard ground", literally, did I sit up, all covered in emotional garbage, and wonder what the hell just happened.
Had I known then what I know now about attending to fear and loss and not internalizing it, I wouldn't have had to spend three months in chair with depression and fatigue and the twenty plus pounds I still have to lose from that delightful experience. Now, when loss threatens my world, I'll meet it head on instead of stuffing it and having it blow up my life six months later.
The exercise Dr. Phil uses in the second half of the book work in much the same way. By doing a little self-discovery we can be better prepared when someone tries to come at us, using our weaknesses as a surprise to take us down. If we know our weaknesses, we'll spot these people in a heartbeat. If we don't – guess what? Surprise – again – blindsided. Makes a lot of sense and after the past two years getting up off "the cold, hard ground" and scraping off layers of emotional muck, I can say, yes, this is a good strategy.
And so, as another day goes by, I still have to finish the book, and….I have written.
You’re doing great. I too, spent a great deal of time figuring this out, and I must say it fosters freedom and peace like nothing else will.