Make A World

June 21st, 2013

This morning someone was on Rachel Ray giving relationship advice. I don’t know who because I was vacuuming and emptying the garbage while he was talking. It was one little simple thing that he said that made me stop shaking out the garbage bag and pay attention. He said:

“Don’t go out and look for someone to make your world. Make your world and let others be drawn into it.”

I know. Wow. In this week of making spaces, this spoke to me. I have always taught my girls to go out there and make their way in the world, not go out there searching for a life partner to make their world. It’s a great piece of advice, not only for anyone seeking a life partner, but to bring any kind of relationship into focus.

I have been married to my hubby for 38 years. We are often asked what the secret to this is. Our first answer is always respect. We never hurt each other or speak in a derogatory manner to each other. When we disagree, we only attack the issue – never each other.

The second thing I’d have to say is that we are both our own individual people, with separate worlds. He is not my world and I am not his. We both have crafted interesting lives and are attracted to each other’s worlds. I trust him to move about in his and he trusts me to move about in mine. When we talk every morning or all weekend, we have so much to share.

Friday nights have always been that way. Even when I didn’t live out here on the Cape. At the end of a school and work week we just couldn’t wait to pour that Friday night drink and share our worlds.

It’s important to never make another person your world. It’s important to your physical and emotional health to be able to stand alone. It’s important to your self-confidence and in knowing who you are to be centered – to be an entity all your own. Someday that person you made your whole world may not be there. You need to have you to get you through it.

And so, as another day goes by, hubby is on his way here, it’s Friday night and we can’t wait to share our worlds.