Today was an amazing day. I spent it with my daughter – meeting with the wedding planner, having lunch with her and my dear friend, then going out to dinner, talking more wedding plans..etc. This is a first for me. Sometimes I don’t know what to do with it all. And the fact that it’s all happening on my 60th birthday…well…it’s exactly what I said yesterday…I’m ’rounding the bend. This is a whole new venue in my life. Who do I have to thank for bringing me to this point in my life? My God, the one who watches over me and leads my way.
This life is not mine. I committed my life to my Lord on July 30, 1971. Since then it’s been amazing. Take, for instance, this wedding thing. I didn’t know how to make my daughter’s dream of a Cape Cod beach wedding come true so I threw it into His hands. Literally two days later it was in the bag. This is only one of my “God moments”. I have a notebook full of the times my lord has swooped in and done something amazing when I let go and gave it all to Him.
But what about the times I gave it to Him, but took it back? Those are the times I behaved badly toward God. I kicked and screamed like a child. It’s said over and over that “we are all God’s children” – could this be what is meant by that? Probably not, but I behave that way a lot. I stamp around telling God I want what I want and when I want it. Then I’m surprised when I don’t get it.
As I’m ’rounding the bend so to speak, I’ve decided this childish behavior needs to stop. It’s about time I took a step toward maturity in my faith. Instead of asking God for something and then taking it back and trying to forge it myself, I need to do what I did with this wedding. That day was so poignant. I was walking the beach and I just flung my dilemma up to God, out over the water, and walked away. I never looked back. I never took it back. And two days later He took care of it all.
That day has slowly become an intangible touchstone for other situations I continue to grapple with. Tonight my daughter and I sat up talking until late out in the garage. After all the wedding talk was done, we talked about life things. Through the course of our conversation I began to realize what I need to do. Take these other things I hold on to, fling them up to God, and commit to it once and for all. Stop this back and forth stuff. My daughter called me out on it. When did my daughter grow up and get so wise?
And so, as another day goes by, I’m beginning to peek around the bend, I appreciate my daughter’s patience, honesty and friendship, and…I have written.
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