When you say “I love you” what does it mean to you, the one who uttered those words? I used to feel that those were the most overused words in the English language. Over the past two years I’ve taken note every time I used those three little words. Just what did I mean by them? Did I mean “I wish you well”? Did I mean “You mean the world to me”? Did I mean “Please stay safe”? Did I mean “I cherish our times together”?
I meant all of those things when I said those three little words. I never meant “Now you must love me back”, “Now you must answer every email or text”, “Now I need you to pay attention to me or I am hurt and sad”. I never meant the receiver of those words ever had to give anything back to me. Anything that comes back to me from those three little words is all surprise and bonus.
This is the freedom found in real, sincere love. Even inside of a romantic relationship, there should never be expectations just because you said those three little words. Expectation leads to score-keeping, and, I have seen it over and over again, score-keeping is the demise of the relationship. My husband and I have never kept score and that’s been the underlying foundation of a 37 year relationship that is happy, not just have-to. The times I’ve been surprised by his return of my love are too numerous to mention. The times I gave to him are too numerous to mention. Why? Because there’s no score. Neither of us have ever uttered the words “I did that for you, now you should do this for me”. We just did things because we put the each other’s happiness over our own and in that, found tremendous freedom inside of love.
I have taken what I’ve learned in my marital love and applied it to family and friend love. Talk about freedom. Yoga taught me “no expectations” in approaching a class, and it also reinforced the way I love – with no expectations.
And so, as another day goes by, below is what found this morning that prompted my thinking today, and….I have written.
Leave a Reply