Today is unimaginable, and yet, for me, totally imaginable. I was a kindergarten teacher. My classroom was the very first one inside the lobby door. Many times our lockdown drills made me aware that my room was the first place a gunman would go. Each time I covered the windows, locked the door, closed the blinds and huddled my tiny students into a dark corner, I thought what if….what if…
Those thoughts of “what if” were in the back of my mind every time I had to explain this drill to students too young to know such violence. I was the one introducing them to what horrific things lurk in the world. How do you gently break it to an innocent five year old that we have to huddle down and be very quiet because someone with a gun could be in the hallway? Then how do you convey that this is only a drill and they are really safe? There’s a fine line between real and a drill in the minds of children that age, many of whom used to cry during routine fire drills, let alone a man with a gun.
Today heaven gained 20 more angels. They are in the hands of God. We must pray for their parents and families, but our attention must turn to the little ones left here in our care. If I were still teaching, I know come Monday morning I would have twenty sets of little eyes looking to me to reassure them that our school was a safe place to be today and I would have to put on a smile and go to great lengths to maintain normalcy throughout the school day. Their lives must go on despite the fear today strikes in our hearts. We must be the examples for how to do that.
My heart goes out to the people in Connecticut and to my colleagues, parents, and children of Broadalbin Perth Central School District in upstate NY. Just know dear people, my heart is with you. I will pray that you have the wisdom and words you need when you return to work on Monday morning. I pray also for my daughter who is a teacher at Lake George Elementary in the Adirondacks and was on a field trip with 40 eight year olds today while this was happening. The responsibility for these little lives she held in her hands was greatly magnified by today’s tragedy.
Everyone who texts me and writes on Facebook says that “there are no words.” But in effect, there are words. Words of prayer for some semblance of peace and comfort for the people in Connecticut and wisdom for parents and teachers everywhere that have to ease the fears and protect the precious little ones left here in our care.
And so, as another day goes by, it is with empathy and a heavy heart…I have written.
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