This morning I woke up to a blog published in the Huffington Post, placed in my timeline by my daughter. I quickly opened it up and read the article because my daughter never posts to my timeline and when she does, I figure it’s a big deal.
I really liked the blog. The name of it is Wait But Why and I liked that, too. When I visited it, I found it had a lot of other topics I’d like to read about and it was also well-written. I even subscribed to it.
The title of the post she sent me was Why Generation Y Yuppies Are Unhappy. The general gist is that we, who brought up children and taught school throughout the 70’s 80’s and 90’s, told our children they were special and instilled in them a sense of entitlement; putting hard work on the back burner. (The post took a lot to say what I said in one sentence, but to be fair, our Generation Y children need to know the history of their ill-fait and the post explains it well.) I have no problem with anything the blogger said. I totally agree that that was the mindset of those years. After that, we part ways.
I, being both a parent and a teacher in that era, didn’t buy it. Both my husband and I never gave our daughters the impression that they were so special that success in the career of their choice would be handed to them – just because of their “specialness”. We taught them just enough “specialness” to give them a solid, positive, self-esteem, that would, coupled with a lot of hard work, fight and strife, someday lead to the success they envisioned. Envisioned being the key word here. We taught them to have a vision of themselves as a “grown-up” and examine that dream for many years, seeking out mentors and discovering just what it would take to get where those people they admire are. (An aside: why I respect Lady Gaga – she studied “the fame” – how to get there – since she was seven years old. Who said our kids can’t learn from rockstars? Lol!) Back to the topic.
I remember sitting home on a Martin Lurher King holiday, during a snowstorm, back in the nineties. It was ten o’clock in the morning and where were my eight and twelve year old? Were they up getting skis together for a day of fresh air and exercise? No. They were still in their beds, eating potato chips, watching MTV. I thought to myself, “No. This is isn’t good.” Did I bring them more chips and tell them to rest because they had such a hard week at school? Hardly. I got on the phone and applied for a job teaching kids cross-country skiing. Within weeks they were going with me and eventually my older daughter was running the whole ski shop, while my younger daughter bussed tables in the restaurant. We did this, worked 7 days a week, for seven years. As wonderful and capable as I always told them they were, I never deluded them their specialness, without hard work, would bring them the happy life they envisioned.
I taught the same thing to every child I taught over those thirty years. I always told them they could accomplish whatever they put their mind to – and yes, the world was their oyster – BUT – and it’s a very big “but” – it was only going to to come to them by way of a lot of learning, failing, and trying again. I always taught every child in my care that failing was just letting them know their progress along the way. I always helped them see the gains they did make as a result of their effort.
My own girls and each child I taught WERE special, but they didn’t learn that merely by me telling them that over and over. They discovered their own specialness and potential by getting down in the trenches and experiencing achievement through hard work. It started with learning to write their name in kindergarten and carried through to that term paper in college.
I am really sorry there was need for the blogger to write that post, because there ARE a lot of lost thirty-year-olds out there today standing in the rain, stamping their feet, yelling, “I’m SPECIAL! Where’s my mansion on the hill?!!” Sad.
And so, as another day goes by, if I saved my own daughters and maybe one other child from that fait over the last thirty years, I have done what I was put in this earth to do, and…I have written.
For your reading pleasure, and for you to do your own thinking on this topic, here is the blog post Why Generation Y Yuppies Are Unhappy (Warning: it’s long. Grab a cup of coffee before sitting down to read it.)
Me, with the two greatest achievements of my life:
One graphic designer, one special needs teacher, both settled and successful in the careers of their choice.
Good job Mama!!