It’s a good thing the sun didn’t make an appearance on Cape Cod today, because the humidity was off the charts. Having an engagement this morning, I had to go to the 4 pm Bikram class, giving the humidity all day to grow even more smothering than it was at 9 am.
Uh..oh…here goes the monkey mind – this class is going to be hard. I stopped right there and went back to my rule of “no expectations”. When I got in the door it was apparent a lot of other people were having the same feeling and the teacher behind the counter was quoting Eleanor Roosevelt saying, “What’s that saying? Do one thing everyday that scares you? Like my yoga class?” And after we went into the room to put our mats down, most of us were not only dreading the humidity, but found the room extra hot today.
(Here I have to stop and give honorable mention to my friend’s husband, Joel. He came in and flopped his extra long mat diagonally across the front row, half way into the second row, then laid down to sleep. But as the room filled up, gentleman Joel got up and moved his whole camp to fit 4 more people in. I acknowledged his gentlemanly action and he asked for honorable mention tonight, so this is my thank you to an avid reader.)
The class was my hardest in a long time. It took all I had to keep the breath in control and not let panic set in. I repeated “slow and gentle” as I came in and out of the poses, not wanting to use one iota more of energy than I needed to. During one savasana, the teacher said sometimes in a difficult class the poses will take you to places you’ve never gone before. She said this just as I was ever so slowly laying down after the first camel, feeling things I’d never felt before. The heat was intense, my arm muscles were done, I wanted to hurry through the rest of the class, the open window above me might as well have been closed – BUT she said just the right thing at the right time.
I slowly laid back down and realized this whole journey through loss and fear this past year was a place I had never been asked to go in my whole life. I looked up at the white dots on the ceiling and just at that moment realized why it was so traumatic. Just like the feeling I had coming out of camel, it was a place I had never been before. She went on to say those places can be very deep below our surface and camel can bring them to the surface, so just lie there and let the strange feelings come up and do what they need to do.
In twenty one months I definitely had enough experience with camel to know the deep spine compression of the backbend releases major stressors and emotion. Today, the combination of the condition of the room, combined with the pose, took me somewhere I had never been before.
Thinking about today’s teaching about life both in and out of the studio kept me quiet and in control and I was able to finish the class easily, with a deep respect for this practice and how it’s teachings guided me through this season of my life.
And so, as another day goes by, once again – not fun, but oh so necessary, and…I have written.
Yeah, and to think people think Bikram is boring cause it is the same 26 postures. It is NEVER the same as you so aptly described. Did my last posture at posture clinic today. Now to be diligent to put them all together. Starting to feel like I may actually be ready to stand up and teach even though I know the first few classes will suck, I also know that I’ve got to take those first wobbly uncertain steps before I break into a run. See you very soon now. Give everyone my fondest warm thoughts.