I just read a great column in today's Cape Cod Times entitled "No More Christmas Whittling" by Saralee Perel, author of "Cracked Nuts & Sentimental Journeys: Stories From A Life Out of Balance. "A life out of balance". Now isn't that a mind full. How many things happen to all of us that knock our lives out of balance? A lot, right? Most often loss, especially at holiday time, tilts our worlds.
In "No More Christmas Whittling", Perel touches on a something that's been a huge fear for me and I've grappled with it for two years now. She tells the story of how she and her husband couldn't visit the places and do some of the things they used to do because they lost people and pets that they spent those times with. I so connected with this article. With the loss I've experienced two years ago I was very sad and could not use things or visit places just like Saralee and her husband. It shocked me that loss could wipe out whole chunks of my life because I couldn't go here or there, do this or that, or even wear certain clothes or jewelry anymore because of the loss associated with it. Once I took a look at the huge pieces of life that I was shelving by not wanting any more to do with those things, I realized I couldn't let that happen, but I didn't know how to fix it. Perel's article clarified it for me.
In Saralee's article, she talked about not being able to take that beautiful walk around Eagle Pond in Cotuit anymore after losing their dog. What a shame. A place so beautiful can never be enjoyed again because of loss. Her next example was never being able to eat fried clams in Ipswich because her husband's family was gone. He said if he went back to those places he'd see the dog at the pond and his family at the table. She asked him if that would be so bad. He cried for a long time – happy tears of freedom. He opened his heart to embracing memories.
That article spoke to my heart deeply today, especially with the impending holidays. I finally feel I can pull all my places, clothes, jewelry, etc back into my life and fill in the gaping holes that loss had left. Life has to go on. New memories with the loved ones we have left, have
to be made. Just because things and places will now be different when
visited or worn, I can't shut out whole pieces of my life. .
Nearing the end of the article, she said:
"If we close doors because we allow sad memories to overtake the goodness of the times, we'll continuously whittle our lives away."
Yesterday in Boston I revisited some places I never thought I could go to again because of painful memories, but it was okay. Pain and sad memories of yesterday cannot rule my life today. Walking the streets of the North End, I realized this was the day I knew real healing was taking place.
And so, as another day goes by, going home to NY for the holidays will be better this year because I refuse to whittle away anymore of the good life I have left, and …I have written.
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